MythBusters About Grief
There are many misconceptions about grief, from how long it should last to how we should express it. We explore some common myths about grief and why there’s no single right way to grieve.
Grief can already be a confusing experience. Sadly, widely held myths about grief can often worsen the experience. These myths can shape how we feel we are coping with our grief.
Myth: You have to “move on” with your life or “let go” of your person.
People living with grief often hear these comments from well-meaning friends or family. They may hear that their grief needs to be left behind whilst they continue marching forward with life. Or they may be seen as hanging onto the memory of their person for too long and needing to stop remembering them. But the reality is that grief is something that becomes a part of you. You will learn how to carry your grief and the memory of your person with you as you move through life.
Myth: You should be over your grief by *insert random time frame*.
The truth is there is no set time frame for when grief “ends”. Some people hold this unspoken rule that after one year, you should be “over” your grief. Others experience unhelpful comments after only a couple of months. Grief can last a lifetime, but how people experience it may change over time.
Myth: You have to cry to grieve.
Yes, crying is a common experience in grief. But it is far from a necessary step in grieving. Many people simply aren’t criers. Others show their grief through actions, e.g. organising the funeral. Some people feel sadness but may not express their emotions openly in front of others. Other people might process their grief through thinking about it.
Myth: There are five stages of grief.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist, developed the five stages framework after her clinical work with people with life-limiting illnesses. The five stages describe common emotional experiences, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These five stages have since become widely popular and are often applied to bereavement. Many believe they must experience grief by moving through these stages. However, these stages should not be treated as a sequential or mandatory set of stages people must experience. The reality is there is no set sequence to grief. It’s messy and as individual as your fingerprint.
Hopefully, these mythbusters can help you understand that your grief experience is normal. You’re not grieving wrong. You’re just grieving in your own unique way.